When I was a younger actor, I thought the audition experience was all about control.
There were so many things I needed to control in order to pull the scene off – my feelings, my facial expressions, my thoughts – and most of all – the result. I had to make the scene great! I needed to know that the scene was great and that anyone who watched it would be dazzled by my brilliance! I look back now and I clearly see how I was setting myself up for a walking nervous breakdown with every audition. The check list of what I had to control was long and complex, but most importantly, I was destined to fail because, although I wasn’t aware of this at the time, I was attempting the impossible with every audition.

I’m a big fan of the Stoic philosophers and they say, as human beings, there are things we have power over and there are things we don’t have power over. And they also say, and I agree with this whole-heartedly, my personal experience has absolutely borne this out – there are only two things we ever have power over – 1) What we are moving towards, and, 2) Our attitude or opinion. And that’s it. That’s all. What do we not have power over? Everything else! Our feelings, most levels of thought, what other people are feeling or thinking, the result – none of that do we ever have power over! Don’t believe me? Attempt to feel all enveloping joy right now – go! …Or how about transcendent peace? …Inexplicable sorrow…? You can’t do it! But this is what most actors are taught! “On this line you should be filled with rage!”, “This line you can barely get out because you’re filled with sorrow” – these are demands placed on us by coaches/teachers who don’t really understand the craft or by our own egos. Because the ego longs to get power over that which it never can. This is why the actor’s job is to resist the seduction of the ego and focus on something else!

But what is this “something else”? This is what is in your power. This is the one very specific thing you are going to go after in the scene – this is what you are going to move towards. And it must be something that is fun; something that can truly engage your imagination and you can give yourself over too – something that is more interesting than the incessant demands of the ego. I think if the average actor tries to believe they are a serial killer lying to the cops…well…I think that’s going to be very problematic on multiple fronts – the imagination is going to rebel. But if the actor imagines that they have cheated on their boyfriend and said boyfriend has confronted them with this fact and they have decided they are not only going to deny this, but they are going to make the boyfriend friend feel like they are the crazy one – in essence they are going to move towards gaslighting their boyfriend…this is something I think the imagine can jump on board with! It may not be something that the actor would ever actually do, but they can imagine it actually happening! If this is the case, then the actor can actually do that in the audition scene – they can play that action, in that very specific way, and if the lines are about serial killers and detectives – great – that’s what they audience will see, but the actor doesn’t have to manipulate themselves and attempt to “believe” anything. The actor just keeps coming back to that one specific action that they are imperfectly attempting to move towards. And the actor can have the attitude of – “I have come here to tell the truth and do the thing – to really go after my action honestly and simply and nothing is gonna fucking stop me!”.

Those are the only two things the actor has power over – Attitude and Action. And I can tell you from personal experience, it is a deep and profound relief when you let go attempting the impossible. When you let go of trying to control your feelings and believe things you simply don’t and can’t truly believe. When you let go of a fixed interest on a result, and instead focus on your scene partner and what you are actually attempting to do to them. The ego yearns “To Get It Right” and many coaches and techniques promise – “We’ll show you how to finally get it right!” – but there is no getting it right with art. And that’s what we want the audition to be – a display of our artistry. It takes courage and faith to truly surrender, to let the ego shout at you if it wants to, but to remain determined to keep coming back, again and again, to the task at hand, to that one deep need that you have in the scene. To your mission. Make your mission something that is actually in your power, then go after it with all your heart and your auditions will soar. I promise.